I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
