I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
