the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize