Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
