like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
