OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize