Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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