I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
only you would photoshop your dick
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
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