dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
