I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
