So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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