but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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