he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
