That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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