We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
