Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
