? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
