My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
