Your mouth is God's brothel.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
