K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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