there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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