Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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