she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
