This dress was meant to end up on your floor
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
