I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
