It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
