My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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