somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
