you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
