grandma shit on top of the toilet
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize