Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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