I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
