I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
