Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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