I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
