hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
