And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
