Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
