yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize