i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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