he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
