Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
