you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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