um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
