I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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