to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
