Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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