The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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