I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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