the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
