the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
