I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
