I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
