and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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