this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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