I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My dick has a subreddit
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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