Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
