I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
