I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
