You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
