i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
