her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
