So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
