There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
