Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize