he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
