I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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